Things I Love Thursday

There is only one thing I can think of loving this week.

Him.

 

Everything is Different

If people would’ve told me three months ago when I started this blog that my life would be totally and completely different in just a few months, I would’ve laughed at them and rolled my eyes. My life was JUST fine and did not need to change, thank you very much. Then again, I probably would’ve believed them, but would never admit it.

I’m having a hard time adjusting. I didn’t want to change before the baby was born, but now that he’s here, I want everything to change. I’m alright with things being different, but I don’t know how to change the things I want to change.

After shit hit the fan in August I started counseling. It’s free from my work (they offer it to avoid problems and lawsuits) and my counselor is able to work with me on all issues, work, family, life, and what makes me tick. In the past I’ve tried it, but it didn’t seem to help me much. Reluctantly I started, and was pleasantly surprised at the turns that it took to help me find myself. The problem was that my counselor kept telling me I needed to paint the life I wanted and go get it.

Problem was, I had no idea what I wanted. The life I had was beautiful and perfect enough at that time. I didn’t think I wanted a change.

Then baby boy came. As soon as I held him in my arms I realized that I wanted everything to change. I knew my life had just changed for the best. My mind was flooded with all the things I wanted and needed to do. I realized that things were going to be okay, but I still felt overwhelmed.

I’ve been making lists. Trying to come up with ways to write out or verbalize what I want from my life. When I get online and check Pinterest and other blogs I feel overwhelmed. There is so much I want to do, so much I want to become.

The other big thing keeping me back is where I feel totally miserable and hateful towards myself; I’m starting to exhibit signs of postpartum depression. My mother had it. My mother-in-law had it. I’ve struggled with depression for years. I know I’ll probably get it, but I hate myself when I start showing signs of it. My husband doesn’t get it. He looks at the baby and is totally in love. I’m totally in love too, but I struggle so much with trying to be happy all of the time.

Husband is awesome. He lets me sleep at night and tends to the baby, then goes to work the next day and even offers to let me nap when he gets home from work. He helps me cook dinner and when the baby is fussy he lets me do what I need to do to clear my head. My husband is amazing. Me? Not so much.

Everything is different. That’s not a bad thing. Everything needs to change, and I hope that I can handle the changes that come.

Music Monday

Joshua

There is not many people in the world who inspire me anymore. Working in the field of healthcare, you see a lot of grumpy, mean, negative, uninspiring people. However, Joshua inspires me.

I didn’t meet him at work like you’d assume I would. I met him at the indoor soccer arena.

Joshua was born without a right arm. Where a stub could be, he has a single finger that he, through the help of surgeons has gotten working again. On this left arm he has a stub, followed by what has attempted by medicine to be an elbow and a few fingers. He makes life work, playing soccer, texting, holding his baby and even working and holding a job. Joshua holding a normal life isn’t the only inspiring thing- it is his attitude about his prediciment that makes him that much more unique- he finds ways to laugh about it. He jokes about being a better goalie than most, he calls himself the T-Rex, he even jokes that the fingers he has are ALL his middle fingers and flips the bird often.

I’ve tried to think of the things in my life that I would give up doing if I were in his shoes. When the list comes to mind and I see him doing it, I don’t feel sorry for him, I start to listen. When I first met him he was angry, a doctor had suggested that he would be a poor father due to his condition. He was out to prove them wrong, and since has many, many times.

He’s strong. When people knock him down in soccer he doesn’t lie on the ground and whine like everyone else does, he jumps right back up and keeps playing.

He’s got heart. He realizes the obstacles he needs to overcome, finds a way to do them and practices it til he masters it.

He’s going places. He’s figured out how to go out and live the life he wants.

He’s better off than 90% of us, and that, inspires me.

So Wise

Why I Blog

About four years ago now I started a blog called “Dani’s Anatomy.” I remember setting up the template and staring at a blank screen for hours, unsure of what to write. Originally inspired by my best friends blog about working in the ED, I too, wanted to share the stories from my job and my life. I just had no idea where to start.

Finally, realizing that it didn’t matter, that I had no readers anyways, I took the plunge and posted that first post.

Everything after that came easy. It became therapeutic. I followed all of the HIPAA laws, protected privacy, and gained followers as time went by. Things became fun with work, because I was focused on making the best of my shift, making it one worth writing about. Before I knew it my blog was popular in the mediblog community, and I was getting invites to participate in podcasts, I had guest bloggers on my blog, things were going well.

I changed from blogger to wordpress, gained more followers. Changed layouts. Changed job positions. My blog posts got more personal, longer, more popular. Things were going well til they weren’t.

After awhile I quit blogging. I was sick and tired of it. Of the attitudes from other  bloggers. Of the stress of blogging. So I shut it all down. Blocked the URLs, deleted the blog posts, and password protected everything. I walked away without notice, I called it quits.

I tried to start again under the blog name “Cicatrix”. It is latin for “healing over a wound”, commonly known as scars. I blogged about my life, my job, but this time something even more raw and painful- my depression and my history with SI. The community I thought I had returned to did not accept this, and again, I quit blogging.

This last year I started again, in November. I started because I missed having a place to share my thoughts, emotions and stories. I missed having something to help me. I missed the therapy of being able to write. That’s who I am, it’s what I’ve always done. I’ve always been a writer, a blogger.

Now, I blog strictly for me. I post what I want, when I want to post it. I post about my life, my likes, my dislikes, my family. It’s my space, and I’m taking this space for me.

I blog for me.

Fashion must be in my Blood

Maybe it is just because my Grandma is an artist- but she is so totally fashionable! I found some photos from the 60’s-80’s with my family in it, and discovered that her fashion sense has always been fabulous! I was lucky enough to get copies of the slides (my grandpa is also an amazing photographer) and wanted to share them with you!

This first photo struck me as funny- this is my sense of style as well! Sport jacket, jeans and fun socks! I absolutely love that grandpa was able to capture this on photo!

This photo just stuns me. Not only am I totally in love with her outfit (a white, lacy top and the pink and white chevron skirt!), but that shes on the floor cleaning up just makes me smile. Also, the fact that grandpa thought that was photo-worthy made me smile.

I love this sweater. This whole photo had to have been planned, the perfection of the sweater, the colors, the background, it is all so perfect! I also love that this is such a calm photo- no evidence of the chaos I know my mother and aunt were causing for her.

This has to be one of my favorite photos EVER. I love all of their outfits, but the facial expressions of everyone fits their personalities so well! (Suzanne is like me, happy to sit on the sidelines and watch everyone else be silly.) Again, grandma and I are sharing style, (jeans and a t-shirt!). My mom’s red hair? I’ve been considering going that exact color for a while now. I may just do it soon!

Farrah Faucet hair! That mixed with the cute knitted vest and blouse is adorable! LOVE IT.

I adore this photo of my mom and my Aunt. This is from the early 80’s, but is so totally adorable. (I probably love it so much because this is who I see whenever I look at them!) There is an entire photo series that grandpa took of these, and this one is my favorite because we all know they were cracking jokes and laughing at grandpa, who is behind the lens.

Now for a lack of fashion sense. This is a Christmas morning photo. Everyone looks so cute- however, look at my Uncle in the right hand corner. I’m pretty damn sure he borrowed that robe from Huge Hefner. He is the fashion black sheep in our family.

Is your family full of fashionistas? Have fun photos to share?
If you post them send me a link- I love looking at old photos and of fantastic fashion!

10 Weird Things About Me

I LOVE lists (and according to all the great articles out there on gaining readership, you do too)!  I am a VERY unique person and figured that it would be fun to do a list about the 10 best things that make me unique!

  1. Believe it or not, I can lick my elbow. I’m sure you’ve read that it is physically impossible, however, I have a torn shoulder and can dislocate my shoulder, making it totally possible to cross my arm over my chest and lick my elbow.
  2. I can play the piano, however I cannot read sheet music. I learned how to do it by ear, making it even more fun to play, but very frustrating for everyone who tried to teach me how to play.
  3. Once upon a time I was a Girl Pro (Cruiser) BMXr. People don’t believe me most of the time- but that’s how I broke my hand, my collarbone and managed to tear the muscles in both my shoulders, making it possible to lick my elbow.
  4. I am freakishly good at first person shooter video games. Girls shouldn’t be as good as I am at games like Halo and MW3. This does get the attention (and lots of fan mail) from guys when I play online, but I only enjoy playing with my husband, so the fans can only do so much.
  5. My two best friends are my husband and my little brother. Both of whom go by the nickname “Bubba.” They both can quote movies like no one I have ever met and can make me laugh til I cry.
  6. I am one of the only people who can admit when something I like sucks. For example, my sports teams. I can admit when they suck, even though I hate it.
  7. I HATE taking medications. This drives my doctors nuts because they will write me a prescription and I refuse to take it, but I just don’t like taking them and if I can live without it, won’t do it.
  8. As “normal” of a life as I live, I am fascinated and adore the New Age lifestyle. I find it all quite fascinating and do lots of research on it in my spare time. This ties into my belief that I am my zodiac- I even have the Aries tattooed my hip.
  9. I’ve broken over 7 bones in my body without knowing it. Don’t even get me started on listing the muscles I’ve torn without knowing it. We discover these breaks years later, after they’ve healed when checking another issue (or preventative for work, a doctor ran over my foot with a gurney and I had to get an X-ray or my foot and discovered that I had broken 4 bones in my foot without knowing it!)
  10. I feel most comfortable in a black tee and jeans. No matter what, I love that look and will always fall back on it.

5 Tips to Making Your Dreams Come True

5 tips to Making your Dreams Come True

 
Dedication. Single handedly this is the largest factor. I am dedicated to my dream of traveling the similar to a mother who is dedicated to her child. After discussing my dreams to travel the most common responses are expressions of jealousy, envy, admiration and questions on how I am going to accomplish this dream. Simply put its dedication to the cause.
Sacrifice. I list this as second because without the dedication the desire to sacrifice is not existent. My dream of traveling has required the sacrifice of financial security, roots to a specific location, having day to day relationships while I’m away, dependency on others and a dependable idea of what the future holds. All these sacrifices have been given willingly for a greater payoff later.
Vision. My dream has changed and evolved over the years as I’ve discovered just how much it means to me. It was a leap of faith between what I wanted and what I was willing to dedication and sacrifice for. This has led me to the vision that my dream has become.
Support. Dreams require a lot of internal support and passion but without external reciprocation our supplies may run out. It’s crucial to have others in your life that will encourage you to achieve your dreams; they help you to stay motivated and realistic. Some support my dream and then me and others support me and my dream second, they both play a pivotal role in your success.
Reality.  In a very real way dreams are imaginative however if you really want your dreams to become reality you need to be willing to see the truths behind your endeavors. I place this last because without the other four your version of what is and what can be are too easily altered. You need to be dedicated to your dreams before you can asses whether they are realistic.

Today’s guest post was written by Heather over at Heather’s Harmony. Heather is a dear friend of mine who is by far one of the most brilliant, funny and inspirational people I have ever had the chance to meet.

Recently HeathersHarmony was nominated as one of the Top 100 International Exchange & Experience Blogs of 2012 also known as IX12 Competition. Voting is from January 31st to February 12th, if you would like to pop over and vote, please go here.

Here is the URL for the voting page. Thank you!!!!!

Bunny Love: Tips People Never Told Me

Taz at 8 weeks old

I’ve mentioned before that I am the mommy of a fur-baby; this is my baby boy Taz. He is a mini-lop/lion head breed bunny (75% mini-lop and 25% lion head- you can see the lion head when he lies down and when he was really little). We got him as a therapy animal for my depression, it was a suggested treatment for both of us and has worked quite well.

There are lots of things no one told me about bunnies and bunny care that I had to learn for myself. Instead of making you guys do the same, I figure I’ll post my best tips and tricks and share them with you.

  1. Yogurt treats from the pet store have been a waste with my bunny. He wont even give them the time of day. If you buy a cage kit from a pet store they may come with yogurt treats. Use that as your guide- he never grew into them and won’t touch them. He has also been given other snacks from the pet store that he just isn’t fond of, don’t buy a big pack if you can help it.
  2. Paper. My bunny LOVES paper! He has an “OCD” personality (each bunny has their own personality, and you have to decide which personality fits your bunny best), and he organizes his cage often. When we give him paper, he is a happy man. He will organize it into piles (stuffing it into corners, his log, or simply playing with them by tossing them around), shred them, or simply use them as extra bunny bedding. We use old phone books- they last forever!
  3. Salt Licks. No one told us to get one, we just kind of assumed that we should get one when we found Taz licking Bubba’s feet one night. We figured he didn’t have a foot fetish, so we got a salt lick for him- he hardly uses it but has helped his diet.
  4. You can potty train bunnies. No joke. Give them a bowl simply for feces and watch where they go potty in their cage. Put the bowl there and they’ll use the bowl just for potty trips. You need to change it out daily or they’ll quit using it, but it definitely helps with keeping their home clean and stink free.
  5. “Free range bunnies.” Lots of people let bunnies roam through the house. If you choose to do so, you need to keep them out for quite some time. We have to keep an eye on our furry one to make sure he doesn’t get into things he shouldn’t; wires, small spaces, behind big furniture (Where he could get stuck). We discovered early on he likes to nibble on the carpet, so we proactively play with him to avoid damage to the floors. We have toys for him simply for when he is out of his cage – empty coke-cola containers, lids, socks (he likes to play tug of war with them) and a bunny ball (a wicker ball with a bell in it).
  6. Snacks- fruits and veggies are the best. We did find one pet store treat he likes, its popcorn for bunnies! We heat them up in the microwave for 45 seconds and he loves it. Otherwise we give him oranges (we cut it into small slices so he doesn’t eat the peel), green beans, broccoli, celery, carrots and apples. He loves fruits and veggies and its helpful to us, because they smell good!

    Taz after a bath

  7. They say that bunnies need noises to help stimulate their minds and keep them from going stir crazy. If I’m not home for a few hours at a time or going to lie down for a nap during the day I turn on the television or my Itunes and put something on for him. It keeps him from acting up and misbehaving later.
  8. Get a bunny bath that you just need to spray and rub into their fur. We tried bunny bath (for the bathtub- THAT was a joke), we tried letting him bathe himself (the advice from the pet store we bought the cage from), but per the guy we bought our bunny from the spray and rub spray worked best for these little guys. Taz loves this because we cradle him, spray him, pet him to rub it in and then I give him a good, long brushing. He usually falls asleep, but loves it. He smells good all week!
     If only I would’ve known all of this when we first got our bunny I think we all would’ve had more fun sooner and enjoyed our times together instead of the ‘what is he doing?’, ‘what does he want?’ phases. What bunny advice did I miss? Do you have anything to add? Add your best bunny advice in the comments below!