For Some, Its NOT the Most Wonderful Time of the Year – Part One

A look at Suicide and depression…

I asked a good friend of mine to help me co-author a post on suicide and depression. He is a certified EMT-I (almost a Paramedic!) and is an advocate of seeking help and other methods to cope when you are feeling low.

Yes the topic is dark and twisty. Yes its no fun to read about during the holidays, but it is something we ALL need to read.
Part One, written by TransportJockey:

You think you’re all alone? You think no one cares? You think it’ll be easier to just end everything? You think it’ll be better for everyone you leave behind? Trust me. It’s not. When I was asked to help write a guest post for this blog, I had no idea how to start it. but those questions popped into my mind. They’re questions I wish I could ask someone, ask someone if they thought it was true. And for anyone thinking about hurting themselves, or trying to kill themselves, those are questions someone is going to ask about you. Every single person has at least one person who cares about them. One of my supervisors at work terms it like this: “Suicide is a very permanent solution to a temporary problem”. And he’s right. I know a lot of people who are considering it think that nothing can ever get better, that nothing can help what they’re going through. I know it seems like you’re feeling the most alone and there’s no one you can ever talk to. But that’s all not true. Why do I think so?

Well… two reasons… three really.

I’ve been where you are. That’s the biggest reason I know. I have even tried before to end things. I was lucky in that I had an amazing friend who realized what was happening and came to me and stopped me from doing anything further. It’s not a fun place to be, and I know it really does seem like there’s nothing there to live for. But life can be hard, and one of the hardest things is pressing forward to keep going. In five, ten, twenty years you are most likely not even remember what was causing you such pain at this point in your life. The girl who dumped you and you felt life wasn’t living anymore? She’ll turn into a stupid whore and get fat. The jocks who tease you day after day? They top out in High School and never go anywhere with their lives. Just try to remember that this pain isn’t who you are, it isn’t what defines you. Take that pain and turn it into energy, turn it into strength, and determination. It can be useful to you.

The second reason? I see all of this on a regular basis. With my job a lot of the time people don’t know who to turn to, or their families get scared and dial 911. We come and try and talk and reason to people. Unfortunately in my state we are required to take anyone who makes threats of hurting themselves to the hospital. I had one last night that said we only did that because we wanted to make his life even worse. That couldn’t be any farther from the truth. The truth? We care. A lot of us care way more than is good for us. I hate seeing a young life wasted. I hate not being able to do something to help someone. And we have seen what happens in a moment of carelessness. We have seen lives that had so much promise, so much potential, just like yours, wasted. We don’t want that to happen to you. All of us do this because we genuinely want to help      people, and to be honest, I treat the calls I run for patients that want to hurt themselves more seriously than any other I run. Why? Because you deserve it. EMTs and Paramedics have become kind of like a safety net when someone is having mental problems. Use us. If you have no one else to call, call those three little numbers, call 9-1-1, talk to us. We are always willing to listen and help you. And if we can’t do anything to help you right then, we will get you to someone who can help you.

And third… Well, this is the hardest reason for me to write. I have been one that has been left behind when someone decides this life is just too much for them. Every day I wake up wondering what I did that someone I loved that much would do something like that. I wake up wondering why she didn’t  come to me and talk to me. I feel guilty I didn’t see something happening, take notice of what was going on. I am, after all, at      least slightly trained in that. The feeling that you get inside when you lose someone you love… it’s… well, put it this way, it broke me in a way that I didn’t think I could be broken. It almost pushed me to the point of following her. Do you really want to do that to your loved ones? Please don’t.

I have no idea if this will help anyone.. but I just want you all to know that there are people who care about you. People who love you more than life itself. People who would do anything to make you smile again. Open your eyes and look around. They are most likely waiting for you to notice them, and would be more than willing to help. If you are ever feeling to the point of harming yourself, please talk to someone, anyone. Hell, poke me on twitter if you are at the breaking point and just can’t take it.

No one deserves to end their life on this world like that. Like I have said, trust me, it doesn’t make things any easier for anyone. Everyone is special, everyone is amazing, and everyone deserves a chance to live to their fullest.

-TransportJockey, EMT-I


Don’t ever hesitate to call or ask for help. . . here are some of the numbers you can call…

Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696
Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433
Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272
Leave a comment

1 Comment

  1. Mike

     /  December 13, 2011

    I have been there too. During my teen years I too contemplated suicide. Also about 15you yrs ago. But I sought help and it definetly gets better


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